SeCrEt HiDiNg PlAcE

2007-09-22T23:16:00.000+08:00

I've MOVED! ^^

2005-12-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

Well, I came back from the harmonica performance already. Actually, I came back quite long before, but have not came online until just before. I'm quite pleased with my performance, since I've once made a few mistakes. Oh yea, I played the piano accompliment. Been there since about 3.30 in the afternoon to help out, practice. The grand piano was nice!
So, after that I came home. I asked my mum if there was anything on Saturday, but then she said something about going borders. I know that most probably in the end we won't go anyway, but the thing is, if I insist on going out, then she would say a lot of things. Like how I don't care about them anymore. How can I convince her that I do care? I have no idea. But meanwhile, the guilt has been laying on thick. Sigh.
Oh yea, finally I am reaching my target of 20 pages. That's really a lot, but still, I'm revising a lot. For example, whenever I read again and find the paragraph not good, I'll delete the whole thing. But it's good, so I can get a better one. A risk though, is that I will end up with a worse one, then my time would have been wasted. But the time spent is fulfiling. So, I guess it's ok. =)
Am I SUCH a kid? Why do my mum have to control me all the time? I mean, I do know where my limits are and I don't go home too late, but the thing is, she don't allow me to go anywhere. And I really mean anywhere. Ok, that's much too bias. She does not allow me to go anywat either alone, or with my friends. Not anywhere too, that's also too biase. It is, anywhere after 6, or on weekends. Not sat and sun, SAT! why? obvious. I know, I know exactly why. She's afraid that if I go Y hope she'll lose me! But, I have already told her so many times that she won't lose me! She just insisting on believing that I'll change, she'll lose me. So? Keep me in the house forever? I can't believe it! Am I to be kept under curfew till the age of 30? Sigh. I'm bad. I'm really bad.

Holidays

2005-12-10T18:47:00.000+08:00

I hadnt been posting, firstly because my com was down.. now that it's up again, i can post! yay.. haha.. actualli nothing had been going on for the holidays.. except for the prom.. other than that i've been doing nothing much..
so i've been ignoring my hp.. putting to one side and checking it like.. i dunno how mani times per week.. haha. so sori mich, cause i've realli been not checking much..
oh yea.. i am going to comfort taxi group to be their accompanist for their harmonica band.. haha.. i already performed at the zoo on tues.. going to perform again on next thurs.. i'm serious! haha.. at the YMS centre at 54 waterloo street..
yepz..
oh ya.. tmr i'm going to get inuyasha vcds.. so i'm going to buy them at a cheap price!! yea.. hahaha.. ebay rocks..
hmm.. who wans to go watch chicken little? haha.. if i go watch.. i'll definately talk about it.. chicken little spoiler will be the next or next next post! haha..

drifting with time

2005-11-30T20:21:00.000+08:00

well.. on mon was prom nite.. quite oki.. actualli.. realli like nth, except that the disco part quite fun. haha.. yea.. i also dunno how to sae.. mayb nxt time i'll just post the pictures onto frendster or sth..
Actualli.. i'm not in the best of mood now.. cause well.. rox jus went to shanghai.. just now.. at about six? and jian kai is going to jap.. plus marcus going to beijing too on sat. dunno if i'll be meeting him before that, cause it seems like i'll have loads of things on. haiz..
But the things that i haf on, well.. one is the guitar thingie on fri.. and tmr is the cg.. i realli dun mind going to cg, but the thing is.. haiz.. mayb i realli have changed.
i dun wanna change.. but it seems lately that the more i try not to change, the more i change.. i am losing the things that made mi mi! i wanna smile happily but the more i try, the more i fail.. why?
or maybe it's just that now i'm not in the best of mood, that's why i'm saying such depressing stuff.. well.. hopefully tmr i'll be better. haha..
yepz.. i'm going to set a goal of fifty pages rite now.. yepz!

o lvl's over

2005-11-21T14:22:00.000+08:00

well, ever since veri veri long ago i haven been blogging much, but that's mainly cause my computer is spoilt and i can onli go to my cousin's hse to use the computer if i wanna use it.. haha.. but todae is officially the last day of o lvls, for everybody.. yepz. so.. no more. no more stress, no more studying, at least no more of these for one month. yepz..
yep.. and actualli i went to get some stuff with roxy ytd.. in fact, i'm currently at mich's hse. haha.. but if you wan details of the 'expetition' ytd of the shopping for presents thingie, go to rox's blog. haha.. 'coz i'm lazy to type everything out and i tink that she did quite a good job in writing the whole expeience.
anyways, so now that exams are officially over, what am i to do? thought i would be veri veri veri veri vceri happi, but in the end i found out that the absenswe of things to do maks mi kinda... uneasy.. haha. maybe cause after studying for so long, i cant get used to the fact that i dun nid to study again.. at least for this month. haha..
oh yea.. i got a job in teaching a K1 kid, but after talkin to my teacher today, i realized that when i taught him during the first lesson, i was pushing him too much. by k1 he still had not grown any teeth and his IQ is a bit lower than avereage. teacher told mi that i gotta tell him slowly and take my time. that he cannot do wat normal kids can do. yepz.. so i gotta find a way in which i can catch his attention and make him think less but learn more! yea.
haha.. thinking of going on a dance course soon.. hip hop dancing, but that's a see-first thingie. so.. i'm going off now, cant kip hogging mich's com. haha.. b. ^^

the last post before exams

2005-11-05T14:06:00.000+08:00

ahh.. i dunno why i'm so like.. slacking right now. Serious. Two more days to O levels! I can't afford to be breaking down right now!
But here I am.
Breaking down.
haha.. but since it's like that i suppose i really gotta rush the final round. Cause to come to think of it, i already have studied everything. Maybe that's why for the past week i haven been studying much. But it's sorta not enough.
I never study enough.
Well, now all i can do is really plan my time wisely. The subjects that i gotta focus on:
e maths. ss. geog. chem. phy.
Revise seriously:
a maths. lit.
Read a little on:
English.

I really want to get my points. It's not like before already. Now I can really feel that I can get what i want. But if i don't. I won't be so down anymore. cause it's not the end. So what if i don't get into the best JC. I can still go to some other place where i can still pursue my dreams. yepz. haha.

Oki. now on that MJC thingie? i find myself not wanting to like. even think about MJC anymore. It's so far. and the attitude might not be the best and everything. I don't want to spend so much time chasing a shadow. What i need now, what i want now, is something that is real. Something i can hold on to. Someone i can trust. Someone who doesnt go for girls by appearance. It's the end, i guess. But maybe not so. Maybe now i can clear my view and look around me, on those who i might meet, who i may have already met.

Oh yea, once more. I gotta jia you and rush the last lap! yea! and all those who are also taking o lvls. GO GO GO !! =P

I want to be happy cause i was sad.

2005-10-15T20:20:00.000+08:00

i went to a few JCs already.. haha.. to rank them, in the order of the best to me first,
VJC
TJC
SAJC
yepz.. so that's that.. but i havent went to MJC. although i like MJC for the high tech-ness of the school and the nice facilities and the ccas, i know i shuldnt be considering MJC so much because of WHO is going there.
Yea, how can i do that? haha.. so bad rite? somethimes i wonder how come i seem to have so deep feelings that does not seem to be so deep. i dunno? haha.. but i guess i'll leave that in God's hands, cause this is something that i cant do anything to. and i don't wanna do anything.. =P don't wanna ruin the friendship we already have ma.. haha..

oki.. next.. ah.. i tink finally i am facing up to it, the fear i have, the feelings i cant put down and the pain that had accumulated to so much i cant take it anymore. Guess that i'm becoming more emotional over the fears and the tears i swallowed. But still.. i dunno what to do.. cause i realli feel like burning all the notes, the letters, the poems i still keep in my box, but i just cant let it go over me.. but i've decided.. cause frm now on, i dun wanna b the moody sad gal anymore. yep. i wanna be the happi gal that i used to be. i dun wanna mind who is talking abt mi or even who is hating mi. yepz.. haha.. i wanna laugh freely like i used to be!

Hmm.. also.. what did i wanted to sae? actualli i forgot.. ah! i rmbr le! haha..

i've decided not to b involved in those ppl's fights or quarrals anymore.. well.. i've got involved and gt blamed for siding to one person when i didnt.. somemore i gt blamed frm BOTH sides for siding with the other side! well now.. i guess i cant help anymore.. haha.. that IS a big relieve.. haha.. now at least.. i don't have to keep thinking abt how to resolve the problem.. but now, i can at least be sure that i don't have special feelings towards any of them.. haha.. that's good! ^^

Hmm.. exams coming and i'm not really studying.. but.. i'm going to start nOW! haha.. from todae on.. i'm going choing like crazy.. esp this coming week since no nid to go sch.. i'm going try my best to get into VJC if possible, and if not, TJC or MJC.. but i can be quite sure of something.. if someone fails to get into MJc.. i'm not sure if i'll go there anymore.. haha.. that is, if i can go into VJC or TJC.. yepz.. for SA.. i don't think i'll b going there anymore.. so far.. haha.. yepz.. and don't haf taekwondo.. yes..

I want to be happy , cause I was sad. =D

haha

2005-10-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

well.. i sort of cooled down.. but now i dunno where to go.. poly or JC.. well, since my mum so insist that i go to the JC.. i'll just go then.. haha.. i'm going to be on the go for another 2 years.. haha.. well.. better make the full use of it.. going to join ccas.. know more ppl and study hard! yea! haha.. =)

today..

2005-10-06T12:12:00.000+08:00

i've been tryin to get on blogger for v. long.. but cant.. finally now can.. haha =)
well.. i'm sick! again.. haha..
well.. o lvls coming soon.. in fact, o lvl practicals two weeks later! i realli got no confidence in it..
well.. now there are so mani things in everyone's heart.. after the last few weeks, i realized suddenly how far apart we're gonna be.. mich going anderson.. rox going ngee an.. mi? going to try for TJC and then if not possible.. mayb i'm going to tpjc.. wow.. nxt year.. with all our hectic schedules will it be possible to meet up so often? i realli hope so..
Mich said if she's realli going anderson, she'll shift to the north group.. i dunno what i realli feel about that.. she'll definately meet new friends.. and with her social skills, i'll bet she know like, the whole church in almost no time.. actualli.. i realli admire rox and her.. they can know so mani good frends! but i cant.. it's like.. i dunno.. i'm anti social? mayb tt's why i feel so lonely at times.. haha..
now days.. i duno why i'm so stressed.. i get so emotional easily.. i'm praying but i'm getting distant from God.. whn i hear the praise songs i'd cry.. whn i think of Him i'd cry.. whn i laugh so happily even, i'd wan to cry.. why? i guess it's because i'm not fit to be happi..
it's so hard to be happi sometimes.. this isnt the first time i've said this, but i know that i gotta concentrate on God, that He'll pull me through.. if there's anything at all.. i wanna keep my faith in Him..
haiz.. i wonder why in my mind i have such high aspirations.. i don't want to aim high.. i mean.. i want to take things slow but my heart keeps pushing me on.. even when i tried my best, if the results are not there i would be so angry at myself.. i would be like, i've not tried hard enough.. this is tearing me apart..
i think i'm gettin depressed.
i'm such a perfectionist.. i expect myself to excel in every area.. haiz.. that's it! i had enough! i mean.. i going to drive myself crazy!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
oki.. i can resume my calm and collected self.
i know! =)
i'll try to study so hard that i cant possibly decieve myself that i had not tried hard enough.. yes! haha.. oki..
so i shall study day and night.. until i reach my limit.. yes!
See? i'm so crazy i'll be happi if i actualli die studying too hard. that's a joke.
haha.. but i'm realli realli stressed out right now.. need to sleep.. need to watch a movie or something.. yepz.. but i'll wait.. and meanwhile.. pray. =)

PRELIMS

2005-09-28T18:53:00.000+08:00

haha.. if i had been blogging just.. *let me see..* aiya.. lazy calculate.. just at 10 today.. i'll be droning on and on about how life is terrible and how my marks are terrible and how i am unable to go to JC.. yep.. i do fall sometimes.. and i did, badly fall in school todae.
but, i wanna thank rox a lot for reprimanding mi..haha.. like trying to make mi see tt all is not lost. but her words sort of fell on deaf ears.. just had to be depressed..
But from now i won't be.. cause i don't wanna waste more time being sad over my prelim results.. can go JC then go.. can't then can't.. yepz.. haha.. jus haf to work hard.. i know that VJC is a faraway dream.. but now i'll i must work towards it.. or it would be pointless, isnt it? haha
Prelims: Goal:
Eng - A2( if moderate) Eng - A2
Chi - A1 Chi - A1
A M - A2( if moderate) A M - A1
E M - B3 E M - A1
Phy - C6 Phy - B3
Chm - C5 Chm - B3
CmH - B4 CmH - A1
Lit - A1 Lit - A1

Yep.. i will work de.. i wun fall again.. now i'm feeling so embarrassed that i actualli went so depressing.. haha.. i won't do that ever again.. now, i shall eat, hm.. and start mugging! All O lvl ppl.. JIA YOU! =)

2005-09-06T19:43:00.000+08:00

oki.. haf been coughing quite badly for the past few daes... haha.. now still coughing.. heh heh.. but saw doctor and now feel a bit worse.. haha.. oki oki.. mayb e medicine will like make mi worse and then i'll recover fast.. hope so! haha
hmm.. 90 percent we wont go into the same course? nvm wat.. like mich saes.. we'll be closest frends ever! let distance bring us closer rather than further.. haha =)
glad tt u're both oki with each other again.. *smiles* wuld haf loved to go with u guys to jack's place.. haha.. but then.. if i had been there u guys wuld nt haf been able to open so much? glad tt i dint go! =) haha
well.. i havent been studying for the past two daes! ahh.. guess later going to study.. ahh.. study time!
i seem to haf something to sae. but i cant sae it.. hmm.. haha.. ah well.. it'll come out in time..
i'm realli worried though.. tt i haven been going to services.. i mean.. REALLI worried.. how? i always prepare to go.. then something crpps up and i cant.. this wk MUST go.. yep.. and from this wk on.. i shall go every wk.. for God! yea! i cant go on like this anymore.. it's like takin a knife and stabbing myself everyweek.....
well.. no matter wat.. i believe tt we shall b frends and btw.. i realli tink we'll b frends forever.. realli.. *smiles*

cough

2005-09-03T15:34:00.000+08:00

cough cough cough cough.. *breathe* cough cough cough cough cough
*faint* cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough..
*mayb i shuld slp.. *

good or bad?

2005-09-02T18:37:00.000+08:00

hmm.. i realized that i cannot trust guys, as in those ppl who sae they like mi.. haha.. i dunno why.. i can trust them as good friends.. veri veri good friends.. but as something more i cant.. haha.. cause mayb i had a bad experience and now, it has became part of mi.. haha.. is this good or bad? onli time will tell.. haha

miiii

2005-09-02T17:48:00.000+08:00

Hm.. updates on my termly report:
A Maths : F9
CH : C5
ChEM : D7
CL : A1
EL : A2
Lit : A1
E Maths : A1
PhYsics : C5

L1R5 : 15

haha.. i'm realli happi.. and realli thank God for these.. i realli want to keep it and improve on my maths and science so i can do better! yay.. single digit! haha.. hm.. i'm realli feeling something but i can't place what.. i dunno.. haha.. jus feel that i am lacking something.. dunno wat.. ah well..
by the way.. i dunno whether i did the correct thing.. but wat's done is done.. i realli hope that mich, u'll be oki.. i'm realli sorri for all that i haf done, but i wish tt you would jus b happier.. i might not understand, but i'm not forcing anything.. sorri again..
hmm.. my cousin's b'dae todae! i bought something for her ytd and it was quite nice i think.. haha.. realli hope that she would like it..

Ahh.. actualli i'm quite sad over my dad.. cause i tink now that my bro knows music, chinese music and he plays the yang qin quite well, my dad don't wanna care abt mi anymore.. i realized that everytime he calls mi it is to either find my brother, or to help him do sth.. i dun mind helping him, realli.. but he hurts me.. well.. i play the piano and practise hard.. i put my whole soul into what i'm playing everytime.. i can play and play till i cry, but as much as i try to create a perfect piece( which is not possible i know, but near it?) he jus doesn't care.. last time he said that i am starting to play music.. but now, he tells mi that i dun play anything from the black and white keys that i touch with my whole heart! i'm trying so hard but he tells mi that i'm creating nth.. while my brother is playing in performances already.. haiz.. i dunno why.. i'm jus so sad.. maybe like wat i said abt mi being a leader.. i dun haf the gift to perform for others.. to create something that will probe at people's emotions.. to let them listen to something that is untainted by the cruelty of the world.. i play and play.. jus so i can make something beautiful.. but i cant.. haiz.. haha.. guess i dun haf the talent..

ahh..

2005-08-31T18:12:00.000+08:00

i jus wanna sae, it's my fault. I'm so sori roxi, enoch and whoever else tt was not involved tt became involved.. i'm so sorri.. i hate myself, i hate him.. i realli do.. but the hatred comes in short bursts and goes away again.. and i cant stop myself from hoping that i can ever be a friend again.. I cant. i have no idea why, but i cant. There's a thin line between faith and denial.. tell me, then, am i holding on because of faith? I pray and pray.. and time passes.. wounds are healed.. BUT EVERYTIME HE SAYS THE WOUND TEARS OPEN AGAIN.. I BLEED, I CRY. NO.. TEARS DON'T COME ANYMORE AS I BLEED INWARDLY, PAIN ALL OVER MY HEART.
I cant hope for i'll crash.. but i hope.. i cant be happi for i'll be sad.. but i'm happi.. i see the anger, the frustration.. through the happiness i see, are you realli happi? i made a mistake, and it's unbelievable how angry i am at myself.. can you even imagine underneath the covers, the tears i shed for you? it's no use crying, i say to myself.. but i cry.. i'm not strong enough to hide from myself..
you're on the back of my mind almost every dae.. i dun wanna have hopes anymore.. but i cant stop myself from thinking it it is possible.. what's the point?
ahh.. i'm going crazy.. but this is one wish that i'll keep..

Thank God!

2005-08-24T18:07:00.000+08:00

Haha.. been reading my past posts and i realli thank God that He had answered my prayer.. cause last year in one of my post i said that i was veri sad that the three muskateers haf drifted apart.. and i reali wan to bind back together again.. and guess wat? i dunno since when, but i know that now our feelings are so close! much closer than before! wow.. reali thank God! ^^
Hope that our feelings would always be like that, yah? haha.. cause i dunno where else can i find such wonderful and understanding friends.. opps.. no.. i meant grapitween and grapemmumi.. haha.. wow.. now we're even like a family! yea!
Prelims coming real soon.. reading my previous posts, there were a few that said that exams coming real soon.. rite now, o lvl is coming real soon.. i realli pray that everyone would work hard and jia you for the exams! Haha.. yep roxi, let's jia you for our phy! we can do it! roxi.. you haf the potential, work harder and you're reach your level! haha.. mich.. you haf the potential too.. you are alreadi so good! haha.. have more confidence in yourself! haha..
hmm.. prelims coming soon, so i realli wanna boost everyone up.. get everyone geared up to take the exams head on! by the way.. once holiday start we haf a study grp can? cause.. haha.. u guys know mi.. i'm not exactly someone who knows how to do everything.. so.. study grp can benefit mi better.. MUA HAAHAHHA.. okie.. sorri.. i'm mad.. heh heh.. =)
oki.. once again it's time for Matthew Andrews, being a happi teenager.. haha..
Mani ppl choke when they are faced with a serious problem.. they get too stressed and too nervous.. esp for exams.. one method to study better is... clear your room! it's much easier to absorb things in a neat and tidy spacious room than a cluttered room.. so, yep. haha.. *hmm... my room.. ahh.. still acceptable.. haha*
okie.. another way to relax is to play videos of yourself in your head.. why? cause when you imagine yourself doing sth (for eg talking on stage) your body would go through the same feelings that it will have on the actual thing.. so guys! imagine yourself doing the test papers and being able to fill in all the blanks! then you can realli do it.. of course you haf to study too.. haha..
oki.. that was the end.. if i find anymore helpful things i'll surely tell you guys! haha.. let's see.. wat else do i wanna sae?
hmm.. i feel like composing now.. i'm going to go over to songs of other lands and try to write sth.. haha.. be happi always and JIA YOU! ^^

why are we crazy?

2005-08-23T19:10:00.000+08:00

was reading roxi's blog.. yepz.. found it veri in point.. haha.. as in, veri meaningful..
guess why i wanted to be a more stable person cause.. well.. haha.. i dunno.. i tink tt by being so childish and wanting play all the time makes mi seem like a veri irresponsible person and i do tink tt mani ppl view mi as tt.. a person unable to take up chores or give ideas tt can actualli help.. ah well.. haha.. even if i do change how i act, my inner self would still b like tt.. then, why change? haha
if by mi being myself, i can be the one who gives ppl happiness i guess.. and if i had said it once, i had said it a thousand times.. i wan to give happiness to ppl.. though lately havent been able to do that, well.. i guess i'm still trying not hard enuff then..
*tmr inuyasha! every wed to fri 11 - 1130! ahh! central*
by saying lame things can i bring laughter? can i help light up a gloomy day by being positive all the time to the extreme? can i spread the laughter by laughing in a funni way myself? haha.. hopefully.. but how long can i sustain? i dunno.. as long as i can.. is it possible to motivate myself all the time like that? sometimes it's tiring.. especially with my competitive attitude that don't allow mi to lose out.. haha.. well, i tink i did gd todae.. oki rox i admit tt i was a little sad cause i gt lower then you.. THERE! i said it! haha.. but don't worrie.. cause i onli had tt thought for a few secs b4 i went :"the opponent is myself" haha.. so i guess i'm curing myself of this almost incurable disease.. trying hard.. haha..
ahh.. prelims coming and am i studying? yea.. i guess.. nxt wk haf a lot of breaks i can study a lot! yea! haha.. i guess like rox, i also haf high expectations of myself.. rox cannot accept a failure for english.. likewise i cannot accept a failure for lit.. haha.. but, i tink for both of us, that has to change.. not onli us, others too.. the most formiable opponent is ourselves.. to win would be an increase in results.. but at the end, don't give urself too much pressure and things would be good! ^^
From a book called, being a happi teenager by matthew andrews, he said, positive ppl attracts positive ppl, while negative ppl attracts negative ppl.. your friends are a mirror of what u are.. *means i'm crazy and so are my friends! =P* so, while u are complaining of the environment, that no one understands u, maybe u dun understand the ppl arnd u too.. ahha.. okie this was out of point, wat i wanted to say frm the book is an example he gave..
Imagine you are out the door and u just closed it. The phone started to ring.. suddenly you cant find your key! you search through your entire bag but it has magically disappeared! when you finally found the keys, you search through the chain to find that you haf lost the key to the door! When you had the key in your hand, the door hole shrinks while the key size expands.. what is going on?! Finally the door opens.. guess what? haha.. the phone stops ringing..
Relax.. this is the story tt i always haf in my mind.. whenever i face something realli realli important and i am stressed, i tink of this story and i make myself relax, so everything would go smoothly.. then, think on the positive side of things and so there would be a positive aura around you.. things would be oki! haha.. yepz..
hmm.. and to get a positive aura, have to be happi.. haha.. and that's why children seems to never get into trouble.. they haf such a pure heart that they automatically imagines that the world would rotate arnd them.. although we know that's not true.. but we can still sustain the happi go luckiness that the kids haf! haha.. and that's why we're crazy... hahaha.. because we're too old to be named childish! haha..

todae..

2005-08-21T17:52:00.000+08:00

haha.. cant believe that i wrote such depressing things.. well, i think i sort of regained my normal mood.. sort of.. haha.. but a bit sick in the body.. ahh.. pain.. well.. besides that i'm okay.. haha.. at least i can laugh now..
by the way.. my a maths teacher rocks.. ahha.. he realli teachs things veri clearly and covers a lot of things as he goes through question.. yay.. my a maths is saved!! haha..

Living my life

2005-08-20T18:44:00.000+08:00

My appearance shines without rubbing
But do you know
my heart was dull and cold
My appearance brings about laughter
But do you know
my heart was crying
I thought i could be strong
I thought i could pull through
I thought my life was my own
And i could decide my path
Could choose my road
Now i know
That the pain within me
Have slowly eaten away my heart
Slowly, slowly i am no longer able
Able to create the happiness that i had
I believe that i can bring it back
I just need time
But between denial and faith is a thin line
I know my line
Help me.

Living my life

2005-08-20T18:37:00.000+08:00

Hey.. i just wanna say here, that i'm sorri.. yepz.. sorri for all the things that i've done to ppl, i tink most of all mich.. because.. i now have a problem with myself i know it's wrong. i guess you could call it a spiritual problem.. don't worry, i just need time to get over it.. but before that, i wanna say sorri for all that i have done that were not pleasing.. forgive mi..

wat goes arnd comes arnd

2005-08-18T19:36:00.000+08:00

What do i wanna say today? i actually don't really know.. haha.. but i wanna blog so i guess i'll just say sth.. haha..
hmm.. i think i was overly crazy todae.. cause i went nuts, literally nuts and did a whole lot of dumb things.. just to entertain myself.. haha.. don't worry cause i wont ever do these things again.. cause i realized that i haf grown up, shuldn't be so childish.. haha..
yea.. haha.. whn ppl grow up, being young at heart doesnt mean doing such silly things and saying nonsense i guess.. it means to bring a sort of pure happiness to others and to enjoy it ourselves.. so, i haf decided that i shall be more stable as in more calm in matters, no more the shrill AHHH and crazy actions.. * i haf just corographed a victory dance!* yepz, i shall think before i speak lest i harm others with my words.. haha.. wat for make everyone happi but in the end still end up offending others?
i tink if ppl wuld do nice things to others, give praise to others when it's due, the world wuld such a nice place! wat's goes around comes around.. though human nature obstructs us frm giving praises when it's due, it's veri veri veri possible to break thru the awkwardness.. it just takes a few person to start the circle.. and me, i'm trying to start the habit of being nice to others, but these few days i've been too distracted by my own crazyness.. haha.. i shall try harder! ^^

Happiness

2005-08-16T17:59:00.000+08:00

Happiness is not to get what u wan, it's to be wat u wan.. yepz.. i tink it's not hard to be happi, just that ppl do not wan to let go of burdens that they do not have to carry.. haha.. imagine this:
tom walks up a rocky road.. he keeps tripping over stones and everytime he trips, he angrily picks up the stone and put it into a satchet on his back.. before long his satchet is full and tom is still angry because he knows all the stones that had injured him are on his back. And he might even just sit down and mop.
But, if he just throws all the stones away, and dont hang on to them, before long he would forget about the injuries, for injuries will heal. And he would arrive at his destination, a stronger person than before because he was trained by his wounds and he had won over them.
Happiness is a habit, not something that others can give. i mean, at least that's what i feel. but sometimes, it's hard to be happi. so wat to do?
haha.. i have absolutely no idea.. for mi, i just try to be cheerful as much as i can.. cause happiness is contagious. It's hard to be sad when u're standing in a circle of people laughing crazily is it? haha.. i want to always be the one that is laughing..
btw, i am so happi that i got that a1 for chinese o level.. but i guess that's cause i had studied so hard for it.. if i had just got it by luck, i guess my happiness would have been that i did not fail.. haha..
so, i hope that my happiness can always be spreading.. and i tink that's the onli thing i know i can do for the people arnd mi! haha..
Smile always for u never know who is falling in love with your smile! =)

my dream

2005-07-23T18:03:00.000+08:00

i had a dream jus now.. not the first time i had these kind of dreams, but it was the vividest..
in my dream, i had a one seater car and i was driving.. i was underaged and i ran away from home.. i had money, but on myself i dint check before parking the car and going to buy some food and dreams..
i bought a lot of food and wanted to pay, and the person asked mi, "why do u buy so many dishes and so little rice?" i was like."yea.." and i ate it and the rice was reallie veri little! so i wanted to buy more.. but the lady ignored mi..
in the end i dint haf enough to buy the food either, but since it was onli like 10 cents short, the lady let mi go..
and so i went back to my car..
yea.. i guess it is my desire for independence to be someone who decides everything i wanna do, to have the power to do more.. i guess i'm selfish in that kind of way.. i wanna haf my own adventure and i dun care much for the ppl who care for mi.. instead i am irritated that they wanna stick to mi, when i know that i can move myself..
maybe someday i can finally get my own adventure in my own car in a road where mayb i dun haf enough money to buy food or drinks and i dun haf any means of communication.. but i tink onli that can happen in my dream.. yepz.. but i wun lost hope.. it will be then where i can feel the wind on my face is real and that i do not haf any cares anymore.. jus for that dae..

Chocolates!

2005-07-20T19:56:00.000+08:00

Amy came to my house, fully dressed as a mini chef. As I looked at her in her white apron and her small face that was shining with happiness, i could not help but to feel touched by her sincerity. The air around her even seemed to protect her. They danced to a light rhythm, touching her tiny cheeks and often blowing her black limp hair out of her eyes, tucking the strands behind her ears. She smiled as she lifted the heavy plastic bag up briefly and set it back down. Even though it was just a few seconds, her action to show me the ingredients had turned her small clammy hands raw red. She was here to make me chocolates.
I remembered the first time i met her, i bought her a box of chocolates that i made myself. It was my first time visiting her and i wanted to bring a smile to her face.I spent the whole afternoon trying to make a perfect chocolate that i could give her. Her mum had told me before that she loved chocolates, but those that were sold in shops all had preservetives that she was allergic to. So i decided to use basic ingredients to cook a chocolate that Amy could eat and enjoy without breaking out in boils.
The scenes played out in my mind as i stood at the kitchen, carefully standing out of Amy's way as she opened the packages from her bag, but near enough to catch her doll-like body if she fell. She tottered around the kitchen, sometimes asking me to help her get the utensils from the top shelf. Then asked me to put her on the stool, so she could cook the chocolate in the pot. The hot chocolate made swishing sounds in the pot, the sound itself so delicious it could make a person drool. I walked closer and saw Amy using the big wooden spoon to stir, swirl swirl swirl. The ripples on the dark chocolate reminded me again of that day.
I looked at the chocolate in the silver pot and smiled. It was ready. carefully i poured the sweet goo into the moulds and the remainder i poured it into the dipping bowl. Using a toothpick i made patterns onto the chocolate that i made using the chocolate at the bottom of the pot that was darker in color. Perfect. I put the chocolates into the fridge and went into the living room to watch the television. It was time to wait. Before long i was back outside the fridge door, wringing my hands and sitting at the dining table. I paced the floor and used all my might to resist the temptation to open the door. Why was time passing so slowly!
Amy took the chocolates out carefully with a smile and wobbled over to me. Setting the chocolates down on the same dining table that i used to test my own chocolates, she looked at me and i saw that her eyes were moist with tears. Tears of happiness and also a tint of sadness. She had completed her promise to me.
"When i'm well, i'll make the best chocolates for you." The sweet tingly voice echoed inside my head as she put the chocolate piece into my mouth. The taste was heavenly. Layer by layer was stripped off, till the center where a different taste entered. It was the strawberry that she had cut up to put in the center. Amy had told me that the best chocolates she had from me were the strawberries, but they were hard to eat as it was so big.
As i ate the chocolate, i pulled her into my embrace and though i had practiced hard for this moment, that i was not to cry no matter what, i could not stop the tear drops that were formed by all the sadness in my heart at my eyes. I kept Amy in my embrace, making sure she did not see the tears that i could not keep. I cried.
The tears continued as i saw Amy lying on the hospital bed, her mum sitting beside her, grasping her cold hands. The terrible machines and needles were all out of her pure body. The pain had stopped. No more was she to be injured by these monsters. As she slumbered, her hands stopped clutching the box of chocolates that once contained the chocolates she made for the ones she loved.
"When i'm well, i'll make the best chocolates for you."

faith

2005-07-20T19:29:00.000+08:00

i'm not realli sure wat i wanna sae todae.. haha.. let's talk abt todae's event then..
yepz.. todae i went to do urshering in a event! and it is called CARTOON OFF RECORDS! that's rite.. it's OFF.. haha.. realli off okie..
first we started with games.. games was good, but mayb the passing of parcel a bit weird de.. and also we had other games like human bingo and scavager hunt.. it was kinda fun.. but i tink can be funner! haha.. hopefully nxt time can haf more exciting games!
and then it was the drama!! actualli.. the script was veri funni.. and it was reallie veri funni.. onli haf one part the prince forgot his words.. but it was covered up veri nicely, good job! i tink after that everyone had a good time, and that the photo taking at the end was just right to round off the event.. i think those who put in effort in the whole thing deserves praise and that visitors realli got the idea that we're a bunch of fun ppl! haha..
too bad i'm not part of those that can help out with the thingie though.. *sniff sniff* haha.. i like veri slack.. always do nothing..
yepz.. i'm a slacker..
oh yea.. todae haf cme and the survey shows that i'm a prioristiser and a slacker.. yepz.. i prioristises veri well, doing it is another matter..
i always try to do my best but my work always get covered or taken away by other ppl.. mayb my life i'm supposed to be like that.. to onli be the helper, never the leader.. i know that i can lead.. haha.. actualli i dun..
they say 'dang shi zhe mi pang guan zhe qing", so maybe that's right.. others can see that i'm weak in leading, weak in taking things by the head.. so i dun get leadership roles..
but.. like wat i haf always said in my other posts.. i believe that i can change my destiny, that i can shape my character to be better.. no more long faces, no more sad hearts.. if i allow myself to sink in my depression, surely i'll go round and round and never get to my goals! i know that God would want mi to be better, to be like Him.. haha..
now i realized how it is to love ppl, it is to wanna do everything for that person and when i find out that i haf done nothing while another who also loves Him has done so much, i will actualli feel pain in my heart..
But, as long as i haf faith i haf no worries.. and i am sure that my faith is strong.. if there is one thing good abt mi, it is that my faith is firmly rooted into my heart..
mUA hahahah!! okie.. i'm realli mad..
well.. haf faith! bb!

freedom

2005-07-14T20:08:00.000+08:00

Freedom is not when you can do all you want, but it is when you realize that you are already doing what you want.
So, having freedom is a perspective, it's a choice.. if you know what you are doing is good and you want it, then you already have freedom.. that's my view..
I have no freedom.. I had a great frend that i realli realli wanna keep, but i know that because of my own actions, i destroyed all my chances of having that friend.. so i decided to ignore it.. to just break free from this situation.. however, my heart refuses to gain this freedom..
Am i just dumb?
I have a strong backer that i can totally surrender to, but i just cant do it.. my heart breaks whenever i hear my frend say things he wuld have nvr said.. My guilt eats at my from my guts and again and again i pray, again and again i wanna repent, i dun wan my frend to be like that.. they say when you haf love, you cant have freedom..
I realized how much love matters, but not the love all of teenagers(like mi) 'feel'.. we get more than that.. the love of our families, that's the most impt, the love of God.. but also, the love of friends.. and now.. i know how much i have lost my freedom, because i have already fallen in love with my frends..
freedom is not when you can do all you want, but when you realize that you are already doing what you want..
So i guess that means, i have the freedom.. as long as you do what is right, and you know it, you can be sure of it, AND you want it, i guess that's freedom..

Why do some people have gloomy faces everyday? why cant they understand that hatred is something that is sinful? we have hatred because we do not forgive and forget.. but how do we forgive and forget? Why do we forgive and forget?
I think everyone wants happiness.. once happiness is accquired i guess life can be lived more meaningfully, without more burdens and such.. they would not be so unhappi and mindful abt so mani tings..
I personally hold a veri happi face most of the time.. i am realli happi! cause i look on the bright side of life.. but even the most carefree person have worries sometimes.. i just don't get it.. why do my 'sometimes' last so long? i always feel like crying whenever i get a remark, just a remark from him.. no.. i dun like him.. but.. he was.. he is my frend.. i just wanted to do something i thought the best for everyone.. guess i was wrong..
people get mistakes, but why cant mistakes be overlooked?
but.. personally.. why do i mind so much? haiz.. i cant expect the whole world to be happi and strong all the time.. but i do know that with someone, the whole world can always jump with joy.. Hopefully, i can finally let go of that burden and gif it to someone who can solve all problems..

Attitude Problem

2005-07-08T19:25:00.000+08:00

Wah.. like attitude problem now very common in S'pore shools lehz.. a bit of anger then someone will like, react violencely le lohz.. wonder why..
Maybe cause in s'pore, everyone is so proud, cause we get good education and such. That's why maybe everyone think that they MUST get their rights, if not it's counted that they are being ill treated..
and that brings us back to the attitude problem.. if more people's attitude to the world is like wat they want the world's attitude to themselves, everyone would be so happi.. and aint that wat ppl wan most?
So, in otherwords.. ppl are mostly selfish, they expect most of others and least of themselves..
of course, yours truely is not an exception.. but to cure this attitude problem, i tink the best way is to understand urself, to listen to urself, to be trueful to urself, and to correct urself while listening to other's advice..
if more ppl know themselves and understand that others do not owe them the world and that they are unique, not special.. mayb more ppl can laugh happily and be able to accept critisms freely..
yepz.. that's all..
bb =)

possible?

2005-04-05T14:08:00.000+08:00

hmm.. i wonder, is it possible to erase someone from your memory? yea.. possible.. can mahz.. wat about someone who has shared joy, sorrow, excitement, anxiousness, all sorts of feelings? Someone who was veri veri veri veri veri close? but mayb.. due to each's selfishness, each's thoughtlessness, stop talking, great friends to strangers.. pity.. but still.. is it possible to erase that someone from memory?
Time will heal all wounds, but no matter how long, as we 'zhang da' i guess we haf ppl more deeply etched in our minds? Am i generalising? yes. But i do feel that it's true.. imagine u ten years ltr and u dun rmbr ur veri close friend now. hmm.. can u? no rite? i also cant.. in fact.. ppl who made big impacts on my life i cant forget.. why? big impacts = big memories.. that's the equation of socialisim i guess.. haha.. so, now wat do i sae? actuallie.. i forgot. haha.. okie.. so my idealism is that if everyone can forgive, can forget, can give chances.. mayb no one would b unhappi?
*changed*
*dun believe?*
*=P*

hurt

2004-12-02T01:29:00.000+08:00

whn a person is angry at another person, he wans to hurt the other party, both physically and mentally.. physically, beat the person up.. to imply pain on that person.. if that person is a gd frend.. and in that fit of anger he seriously injures a frend, is it worth it?
mentally, hurl insults at the other party.. creating tears and reallie hurt someone's heart.. i mean.. does the person reallie deserve to die? or reallie is to be compared to a illegimate child or female dog? jus hearing these words can make a person cringe.. wat about SAYING the words.. even THINKING it is a sin.. no wonder God wanted to wipe out ppl..
den.. wat gd is breaking someone's mental abilities down? like discouraging them and all that.. sure.. ppl laugh and sae.. you'll nvr make it.. and wat if that person had a great dream and is so bent on doing it, but a sentence crushes everything? i reallie dunno why ppl wuld want to hurt other ppl lyk that.. in this point, i tink the world is seriously getting worse in attitude..
everyone has their own views.. why force someone else's view onto another person? if that view is reallie correct there shuld b no problem in persuading?
ahh.. i dunno much of wat i haf written above.. it is jus unleashing my thoughts.. haiz..
why wuld a father tell the whole family that he wuld kick away anyone that is holding him back frm success? why wuld ppl do that to the family? sae that the family is useless and gd for nothing and all that?? lyk telling a daughter, so filled with dreams that she wuld nvr succeed......
i dunno.. though i know that all these are MEANT to hurt doesnt mean that i dun feel hurt.. but i know one dae.. one dae these wuld pass.. one dae ppl wuld realize there is no meaning in exaggering other ppl's negative points and hurting them.. haha..
i tink the above reallie make no sense.. but ah well.. no hurt in posting.. haha.. anyways so long nvr post le.. =P

2004-11-24T08:23:00.000+08:00

guess who? haha =P

blog!!

2004-11-18T21:32:00.000+08:00

ahhhh.. didnt realize that my blog haf so nice music!!! AHHH.. so long nvr hear.. now whn i hear i reallie realli feel lyk going to plae ff8 again.. ahh.. haha.. so now.. hmm.. oh yea.. my frend sae that i always post sad tings.. todae mus post happi tings.. haha.. hmm.. let's think..
wat happi tings.. happi happi.. hmm..
happi tings that happened to mi.. oh yea.. mi problems solved le.. haha.. veri weird lehz mi.. small tings make big.. big tings make bigger.. haha.. nvm lahz.. jus a post to tell my frend that.. haha.. this post is not sad.. haha
wait.. mi haf ta post sth.. to that frend:
╟ ψ à I ╬ i Й g ? ╢ .:: -duetooverwhelmingrequestforchangeofstatement- chances gone CAN come back.. ::. says:
wo men yi nian de jiao jing... *put one veri VERI BIG sigh*
╟ ψ à I ╬ i Й g ? ╢ .:: -duetooverwhelmingrequestforchangeofstatement- chances gone CAN come back.. ::. says:
jiu...*lyk wanna cry*
╟ ψ à I ╬ i Й g ? ╢ .:: -duetooverwhelmingrequestforchangeofstatement- chances gone CAN come back.. ::. says:
jiu.... zhe yang mei le!!! *sae behind in one breath*

haha.. haf a gd laugh~ =P

these few daes..

2004-11-17T22:27:00.000+08:00

aiya.. also dunno why.. these few daes my feelings are like suddenly veri happi.. suddenly veri sad.. mayb cause there is sth that i haven settled? i dunno.. i cant put my mind to anything.. wake up also still so tired.. haha.. hmm.. mus drink more chicken essense! haha..
also dunno wat to write reallie.. its lyk.. gt lots and lots and LOTS of things to write.. but whn i turn this on it all goes right outta my mind.. cant stand it.. xin hen fan.. haha..
anyway.. nth a gd slp cant cure.. izzit?
AHH.. i know wat is the problem le.. everytime someone tell mi abt that maple story ting i become irritated.. mus be the game's fault.. HUMPH.. i gt plae b4.. whr gt nice? but so mani ppl go plae.. aiya.. nt my prob mi care so much for wat? nt my prob.. i dun haf to care..
AHHHH... I DO CARE.. WHY MUS I CARE SO DARN MUCH? *conflict inside mi*
chances gone can nvr return.. izzit?
grasp wat u haf.. huh?
you'll nvr know until u try... wat??
I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!! MY DARN HEART IS MAKING MY SENSIBLE MIND IRRITATED.. FINE.. FEELINGS BE THAT WAY..
note to self : okie.. i'm seriously losing it..

2004-11-12T11:42:00.000+08:00

high priest!

2004-11-12T11:41:00.000+08:00

ragnarok assassin! =) 8

2004-11-12T11:35:00.000+08:00

cloud with his sword!! =P

..

2004-11-06T17:02:00.000+08:00

arr.. im so.. so stifled up inside mi.. why? im angry.. why do some ppl they lyk to purposely make things difficult for other ppl? i mean.. is it fun? do they enjoy seeing other ppl flare up in anger? do they lyk seeing ppl go nuts tryin to answer a dumb question? i dunno.. mayb they do find joy.. anyway.. haiz.. nvm
nxt.. i wonder if im lyk tt.. i wonder if i.. hmm.. lyk whn i wan something.. do i go arnd the bush to get tt something.. lyk.. on the surface i sae this but actually i mean another.. mayb i am.. but where did i learn it frm then? why do adults lyk to sae one thing but mean the other.. wouldn't it be easier if they jus speak their mind? is it that hard? i mean.. ppl can understand de mahz.. dun lyk.. gif the false impression till the last minute and suddenly.. whn there is no other way to get wat they reallie wan unless they sae it out, they jus sae it and get mad.. why? mad cause the other party cant be 'considerate' and read in between the lines.. but im jus lyk this.. unless u tell mi straight in the face i cant understand.. for example the hk thing.. my mum dun wan mi go.. but she was lyk "ask ur aunt.. ask if her sister can allow u guys to stay in her hse there.. ask if got booking.." in the end whn reallie can she saes "ur aunt sae can but i didnt sae okie" haiz.. such a scheming world..
sometimes i reallie think that humans shuld try to b better.. is throwing rubbish into the dustbin hard? and the traffic.. if each let each other and not try to overtake.. wouldn't it be a better society? haiz.. no wonder the world is delapidating by the dae.. humans deserve it.. but i also wonder.. will i be like this in the future?
love, puppy love.. infactuation.. crush.. true love.. now.. how do we know which is which? once i thought i was in love.. as in.. reallie deep.. but then again.. whn it ended i was tinkin how dumb i was.. so now i always tell ppl.. no nid so rush find steads.. wait till after o lvls.. hmm.. but why? throughout one's lives the end point is to get married.. ppl live to get married.. not to get degrees.. but.. nowadaes ppl wanna find money more then they wanna spend time with the family.. but whn questioned.. they go " huh.. i work so hard jus to gif u a better life.." life without parents.. life with money.. mney vs parents.. personally i'd rather b happi spiritually den to b happi materiatiscally.. which brings back the thing on how to know which one is the one true love? i tink.. onli God knows for his love is true..
oh yea.. i can b psychologist.. why? haha.. see the things i kip tinkin abt.. dunno why i onli tink abt this kind of things.. for myself onli.. hmm.. actuallie i do tink abt tings tt does not drag the whole world wif mi.. lyk my future life.. yes
yes this is wat im working so hard for.. all i wan is to haf a gd life in the future.. which caterizes mi with the above.. will i be like the above example? onli tink abt money and not family? nope.. i'll nvr do that.. i hope.. =P

love.. =P

2004-10-29T23:02:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?
or Saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart...
if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have u ever decided not to become a couple
because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own....
when you least suspect it,
or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had,
but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...
for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone
because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid...
afraid of what we don't know,
afraid of what others will think,
afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back
and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.
*What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow
and you never got to tell them how you felt?
(even if it is that you don't care anymore)
*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them? *What would you do if you never got the chance
to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?
People live, but people die.
And I want to tell you that you are a friend.
If you died tomorrow (God Forbid), you would be in my heart.
Would I be in yours?
If you care about me as much as I care about you, you will send(or rather.. post) this back.
We might be best friends one year,
pretty good friends the next year,
don't talk that often the next,
and don't want to talk at all the year after that.
So,
I just wanted to say,
even if I never talk to you again in my life,
you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.
I look up to you,
respect you,
and truly cherish you.
Send(show.. or.. again.. post..) this to all your friends,
no matter how often you talk,
or how close you are.
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,
and tell new friends you never will.
Remember,
every one needs a friend,
someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all,
just remember this and take comfort in knowing
somebody out there cares about you and always will.
I LOVE YOU!!!!

ahh the results

2004-10-29T22:35:00.000+08:00

ahhh.. mi results.. haiz.. L1R5 is lyk.. 26? yepz.. so now wat? i wanted to knock the points OFF, but frm mid term to now it has INCREASED.. i haf DEPROVED.. haiz.. anyway.. haha.. why bother rite? its nt as if the world has ended or wat.. i haf one two months holiday to catch up with my work and i SHALL use it to STUDY.. hmm.. that is.. after my RO acc has finished the credit.. anyway i tink haf onli a few daes left.. so i can jus take the few daes to help other novices.. haha.. =P so.. i failed my physics.. and my a maths is horrible.. veri funnie lehz.. i thought my a maths is stronger den my e maths but this time my e maths is stronger.. i mean, better.. anyway.. nxt year is O lvls alreadie.. MUS MUS MUS MUS MUS STUDY!!!
okie.. this is beside the point one.. haha.. mi going to kip long hair.. cause todae at the dentist there i saw my pic whn i first went to the clinic.. whn i had long hair and i saw the difference.. a lot lehz.. i look nicer last time.. haha
and guitar.. i saw the timetable i almost fainted.. erm.. 9am - 5 pm.. every mon tue thurs fri.. on average.. wat is this? i also dunno.. i tink this is too much.. trying to kill us izzit? haiz.. den for the whole nov to dec.. its lyk.. no time to go out and all that le.. anyway i dun wan to anyways.. i onli wanna haf some time to myself to do those tings i wanna do.. seems lyk cannot alreadie.. and after seeing the timetable for guitar, i reallie felt lyk nt going for SYF and dencan haf more time to myself to do tings i wan.. but den i thought again.. this world, it revolts arnd mi, nt mi arnd it.. for myself if i dun join, i lose out and guitar wuld b one player short.. haiz.. nvm.. it will pass quickly.. =P
so, all in all.. my life is going downhill.. but.. haha.. wat goes up will come down and wat goes down will go up.. so.. jia you! jus relax and let life take its course? eh.. no.. cannot relax, but cannot b too tensed up too.. =P
-jessxw-

im reallie sorrie.. i mean it

2004-10-20T17:21:00.000+08:00

ytd went to ps wif rox.. supposed to go wif kenneth and mich but cause i thought i culdnt go, but culd go, i asked rox to go wif kenneth meet mich instead, den rox didnt wan, so guess tt plan didnt work out..
aiyoz... why mi so bad? yepz.. instead of asking kenneth and mich too, i went alone wif rox to ps.. haiz.. the worst thing was that i knew that kenneth seriously wanted to go.. but how? wat's done is done.. jus that i haf to wait till mayb their anger nt so much le.. but i noe, im changed
since i started going out wif yr they alll, i've changed, instead of being considerate and thinking of others, putting others before myself i've become selfish, thinking of myself onli.. i dun care abt others le.. for those i've hurt, i dunno wat to do and that's the truth.. i'm me, i'm jus at loss whn someone is angry at mi, at loss whn i hurt someone.. that, i haf ta find back my nature
nt that i wanna sae that tt dunman sec grp is bad, they're nt.. real cool grp of guys.. haf fun, yea.. watever.. but i haf ta find someone who reallie cares.. i know of a few, but to remind myself in the future, mich is a gd frend
at least she tells mi whn im going bad, haha.. i am.. so, jess. or xi wen.. i hope that my nature comes back.. go backt who i was b4.. go back to less bad.. and live everidae with a consious guiltfree mind.. haha.. okie.. if mich u ever see this, thanks a lot for that reprimandment.. thanks..
nxt.. exams.. AHHH.. okie. so far my results are ups and downs.. listed below
chemistry => B4
Social Studies => A2
Chinese => B3
Physics =>D7
E math => A2
A Math => C6
i tink that this is reallie ups and downs.. in sch jus now i cried whn i got back my compre.. why? cause i failed it.. i dun get it.. i love english so much but im getting worser and worser.. wat's up wif mi??? haiz.. hope that this changes.. i reallie hope so.. but luckily for the others its okie.. jus that my a maths.. i also dunno why get so low.. mayb i didnt study gd enuff.. im lyk. half satisfied wif my results onli.. so hols im gonna work harder.. hope that i can do betta nxt yr, o lvls nxt yr!!!
Last ting.. ya noe, i reallie think that the three musketteers haf drifted apart.. all of us changed and seemed to go further and further each dae.. wat can i do but to shelf this prob? haiz.. hope that soon, veri soon, God can bind us back to who we were b4, teaching us good frm wrong.. i reallie hope so.. and i will do my best to let bring back the frendship and trust the frends had.. i reallie hope so..

Perfect Picture

2004-09-29T20:46:00.000+08:00

The clouds roll over the world
Covering the Sun, Mother of Earth
A photograph through the open window,
Yellow, aged, a product of two thousand years
Tears of Heaven seep into the ground,
Trying in vain to wash away the sins of humans
Crying for the people who had lost the way
Stealing, lying, hating, betraying, insulting
The Perfect Picture, scarred.

yea.. this year e birthdae the best!!

2004-09-24T20:43:00.000+08:00

hey man.. this yr, the BEST birthdae i ever had so far!!! cause first i got treat to Jack's Place.. by my aunt!! You RAWK!! haha.. and the dinner was so nice.. mi ate till so full!! =P
then.. the next dae mi after school went to meet frends to get some presents.. so nice of them to come all the way to the mrt and to gif mi the presents.. somemore mus wait cause mi noe that they released at 2.05 and i released at 2.30.. wow..
that dae nite.. my dad brought mi to swensen to eat!! ahh.. so cool.. i mean.. how long since he last brought mi, my mum and my bro out?? and we ate till so happily.. haha.. den went walk walk.. and my mum bought mi a pair of lady sandles.. nice.. haha
nxt dae.. in sch.. reach sch.. woah.. unknown package on the table!! its a..... cake!!!!!!! ahhhhhh.. haha.. sorrie mi a bit crazy.. yepz.. a cake.. that they bought for mi.. and somemore pink!! so cute.. and i got presents... haha..
after sch.. went to eat at sake sushi and i got a new doggie!! so nice to hug =P and also flowers.. hmm flowers.. haha.. first time mi get flowers but so nice to get them.. and gt treated to the sake sushi and arcade.. haha.. mi feel so blessed this year.. tink its because of God looking down on mi.. haha
jus now rite.. the dentist told mi while i was at the review.. he said.. wow ur teeth move so fast.. then he took out the mould at the first time i went there and let mi compare.. it reallie went neat fast, but ah well.. he also said there is a long way to go.. which there is.. one year plus.. but i hope that by the end of two years i can take them out le.. *hoping* =)
so.. now after mi birthdae.. so happi.. well.. mi gotta prepare for my exams.. cause mi do wanna get good results.. and also.. yesterdae i realized that the work in my chem tuition .. i reallie noe wat the most of the work is abt.. not jus pure guessing.. so i tink that with more hard work.. i can succeed!! haha.. haiz.. first dae alreadie came back online though.. mus not succumb to the temptation tmr again.. haha.. =)
God bless everyone and hope that everyone has great results!!!
^JessXW^

Xi Wen's birthday!!

2004-09-23T18:09:00.000+08:00

Xi Wen!!! Happu Birthday!!!

Happy birthday to you,
happy bithday to you!
Happy birthday to Xi Wen... Wooot!!!
Happy birthday to you!!!! Wooooot!!!!

God is blessing you now,
God is blessing you now!
God is blessing you Xi Wen... Wooot!!!
God is blessing you now!!!!! YAY!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Deuteronomy28:13
"The Lord will make you the head
and not the tail."

2004-09-21T19:35:00.000+08:00

New picture. Xi Wen please do not delete this.

2004-09-21T19:11:00.000+08:00

Xi Wen's birthday is on thurs!!! Well, happy Birthday!!!

New template!!!

2004-09-21T19:01:00.000+08:00

Okay Xi Wen. New template done. Now go to the template and edit the left hand side. The shoutbox will be shared. Anything else just post it on the shoutbox

Winter.....natural beauty haha =P

2004-09-21T16:57:00.000+08:00

Winter that comes near December
In resilence and swiftness
Nightime passes and suddenly
The world is covered in a sheet of white
Everlasting serene and calmess observed
Rules everything there, then.

its coming!!!

2004-09-21T16:48:00.000+08:00

hey yoz..
okie.. i actuallie wanted to come here and paste my aims one lahz.. haha.. but saw that its alreadie pasted b4.. so guess come up here to sae good bye..
WOAHH.. WAIT OKIE.. BEFORE JUMPING INTO CONCLUSIONS.. haha
haha.. this gd bye.. will start with effect from 23 september nite.. den will last till hmm.. after exams ba.. lyk 15 oct.. yepz. haha.. and u know why 23 sept? its coz.......... ITS MY BIRTHDAE!!! so.. i can haf privillage of using com up till that dae ba.. den after that i start to go all the way.. do my best.. anyway its onli for one month more.. so i can jus.. kambate~! haha..
and my frends.. i hope that all of them haf the motivation to do their work.. to study.. so that ALL of them can get GREAT results.. and after that all of us go celebrate!! so let's work hard and finish the last lap for this year~! anyway it REALLIE is jus a few more weeks.. before u noe it.. u're regreting ur exam answers.. haha.. =P
so.. with this i end with a poem.. the poem is i suddenly got inspiration in school.. and i find it quite meaningful.. haha.. enjoy~
Wishing everyone happi, joyful, every single dae~!
^jessXW^

EXAMS!!!

2004-09-16T21:36:00.000+08:00

hey yoz.. mi exams coming soon!!! and i mean REAL SOON!! jus a few more weeks!!!!!! AHHHHH!! anyway.. hope that i can get my results just as i want it.. hmm.. lemme see.. okie.. mi put my ideal results below huh..
A Maths = A1
E Maths = A1
English = B4
Chinese = B4
Chemistry = B4 *hopefully*
Physics = B4 *hopefully*
Geog = B4
E Lit = B3
Social Studies = B3

hey.. look.. this time my expectations so low le.. hope hope hope mi can go get these results.. hmm.. mus study hard wor.. less time to plae ragnarok.. haha.. until jus lyk.. a month ltr.. den mi can YAY.. RELAX le.. anyway.. 7 more daes is my birthdae.. so happi.. haha.. coz without that dae there will b no mi now.. heh.. so yay... MUS study AND mus not go crazy.. kip my head... STUDY!!!!!!!!! haha..

bball

2004-09-10T20:20:00.000+08:00

so todae.. mi went to arcade and den to mc's hse.. go see ms teach wind plae halo.. mi go there.. also borrowed the phantom of opera song.. anyway.. its so disgusting.. but whn plae easy mode is so fun.. coz there is this monster.. it will wave its hands and run away.. coz ez mode mahz.. anyways there is also a guy named marcus in the game..so everitime we passed by 'marcus''s corspe, we go shoot at it.. mi ray wind.. heh.. den we went plae bball.. tt marcus go accidentaly throw bball at mi.. den hit my nose!! wah. pain till tears come out lahz.. but i laughed also.. coz its like immediately after he go fall down.. wear rollar blades mahz.. haha.. den he went home first.. go wait call frm his gf.. anyway.. mi and ray and wind go plae.. plae like first person throw.. den another person jump and catch and throw in the hoop.. whn we go plae purposely dun wanna throw into the hoop, we throw into the hoop.. so funnie.. heh.. anyway after tt this two ppl come.. u noe whn we plae bball, other ppl shoot we will take the rebounced ball and pass it back to the person.. then this gal rite.. she see us pass go scold us lohz.. scold us for touching ball.. nvm.. we dun touch, den once ball wind ACCIDENTALLY catch, she go scold till dunno wat.. nvm.. once she throw the ball the ball hit mi, she laugh lohz.. haiz.. mi angry, go ap her but also no use.. heh.. nvm lahz.. no harm liaoz.. haha.. mi tink tt some ppl mus go help them on EQ betta.. if not nxt time she go anyhow insult other not so nice ppl.. she will dunno wat de lohz.. so ppl mus b more sociable.. relax a little.. den haf more peace.. haha

my batminton............. -.-"

2004-09-08T09:35:00.000+08:00

let's see.. yupz.. i tink i went crazy at yang lao shi there coz i dunno? started laughing like mad.. haha.. told tt nickson mi cannot eat chocolate one.. den he gif mi eat so mani.. make mi go mad.. anyways.. after tt haf piano.. HAIZ.. scolded by piano teacher.. she sae wat.. erm.. oh yea.. at the rate u're learning.. ur techniques hardly improved.. other ppl one and half week can finish the piece u still stuck there.. nvm lahz.. its all true wat.. mi lousy at piano.. cannot practise.. anyway.. after tt went plae batminton with ray wind and my twin brother.. so we were playing doubles.. mi and ray with marcus and wind.. mi team won!! haha.. okie lahz.. so cheated a little.. but mi team still won rite? hahahhaa.. anyways.. after tt mi plae plae plae.. studdenly the shuttle go too to my right.. den i reach and tripped.. den now my toe haf blister.. haha.. plae till the shuttle went up the tree and we started throwing bottles at it.. anyways.. finally marcus used the racket and managed to get it down.. my batminton, by the way, is horrible.. hahhaah.. so went home.. todae woke up.. arms and legs ache.. haha.. mus b ytd batminton too ji lie le.. hahahahhahhaha.. ^JessXW^

so happi!!!

2004-08-30T20:46:00.000+08:00

haha.. so cool lohz.. my chem, which always get so so so bad.. finally get a 60!! u noe how much is 60 to me?? It is like i ginally achieved a near miracle!! so happi!! but i also cannot be proud.. mus remind myself that i mus continue to work hard and not be over confident.. haha.. yay..

jealous? in my dreams!

2004-08-29T19:32:00.000+08:00

haha.. i realized that i've been fretting for someone unnecessarily.. if that person does not want to take life/ studies seriously, why mus i go care? i cant go force him study rite? haha.. anyway.. i realized how mean i was.. being jealous about other people.. haha.. they can study well, do things well, its because they could concentrate and haf the talent or sth.. for mi, i cant do as well cause i am not good enuff.. haha.. so in order to score better, i onli haf one person to beat, and that is myself.. haha.. so if i ever wanna be jealous of somebody for doing/scoring better den mi, it will haf to be jealous of myself.. yep yep.. haha..

Depressed..

2004-08-27T22:44:00.000+08:00

I'm so depressed now.. i feel lyk everything is my fault.. though i know.. yea.. not all is my fault but i feel like mostly everything is i cause one.. somemore my studies.. im the worst of my frends.. i see them.. getting better and better grades.. mine lehz? getting worse and worse.. the ting is.. im depressed.. i haf this mind concept that one of my frend is veri unhappi.. i jus nid to talk to him.. jus nid to ask him if he is happi or not.. if he answers yes everything will be solved.. if not.. i reallie dunno wat i'll do.. probably jus break down.. most likely i will gif up on everything.. but now.. jus as my chem i finally haf confidence that i can pass.. i haf to rmbr this ting again.. jus as i start to get inspiration to study.. i get depressed again.. haiz.. i reallie dunno how lohz.. i nid someone to wake mi up.. no.. i nid to talk to him.. yea that's rite..

when the sky falls

2004-08-26T18:46:00.000+08:00

When the sky turns black
And the rain falls
People running to the shelters
Shading from the nature
Sometimes when the truth is there
You chose to hide away
But its not the way. i've got to say

I'll be here for you
I'll be here no matter what you do
Even when the sky falls
And even when the earth splits
Dont be scared for I'll be here for you

When the lightning strikes
And the thunder sounds
People packing up and leave
Escaping from the to be storm
Sometimes the fact is before your eyes
You yet chose to run away
But its not the way, i've got to say

I'll be here for you
I'll be here no matter what you do
Even when the sky falls
And even when the earth splits
Dont be scared for i'll be here for you

And people think that they are right
Where it hurts it'll be alright
All they have to do is to ignore
And the pain will heal
No, its not the way, i've got to say

I'll be here for you
I'll be here no matter where you go
Even when the sky falls
And even when the earth splits
Don be afraid, for i'll be here for you

funnie..

2004-08-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

okie.. so todae mi and rox were at school.. raining reallie reallie heavily, so instead of going outside to eat we ate at sch.. den whn we were eating, the rain stopped.. swt.. haha.. anyways whn we left it started raining heavily.. nvm.. we waited for a while den the rain lessen.. we walk walk walk walk.. to the east meadows there rite, i started singing this:
"Rain rain come again
Go away another dae
Little children wanna plae
Rain rain come again.."
horrors of horrors! the rain started getting a little heavier.. i stopped, den started singing nonstop.. like chanting some dunno wat like that.. haha.. den we heard the rain getting heavier and heavier..so i turned back and guess wat.. the area we were standing on was actually light rain.. but whn we turned we saw the heavy cloud moving.. so we could actually see the heavy rain come closer.. no time run one.. haha.. its like.. coming.. coming.. den suddenly the heavy rain is on us.. wah hahahaha.. whole body wet.. heh.. my fault.. sorrie rox! heh..

haha.. so mani songs.. last one todae.. Truely madly deeply

2004-08-25T21:36:00.000+08:00

I'll be your dream,
I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope,
I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'cause I'm counting on

A new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
til the sky falls down on me...

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of..
The highest power. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..

I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'cause it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do...

I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

crash and burn

2004-08-25T21:31:00.000+08:00

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door
And you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face they day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

chained to you

2004-08-25T21:27:00.001+08:00

We were standing all alone you were leaning in to speak to me
Acting like a mover shaker dancing to Madonna then you kissed me
And I think about it all the time
Sweet temptation rush all over me
And I think about it all the time
Passion desire so intense I can't take anymore because

I feel the magic all around you
It's bringing me to my knees
Like a wannabe
I've got to be chained to you

And when you looked into my eyes felt a sudden sense of urgency
Fascination casts a spell and you became more than just a mystery
And I think about you all the time
Is this fate is it my destiny
That I think about you all the time
I no longer pretend to have my hand on the wheel because

I feel the magic all around you
It's bringing me to my knees
Like a wannabe
I've got to be chained to you
I feel the magic building around you

I feel the magic all around you
It's bringing me to my knees
Like a wannabe
I've got to be chained to you

And I think about it all the time
And I think about it all the time
Tell me it's madness I barely know you
We were standing all alone you were leaning in to speak to me
Ten steps back you're still a mystery
Acting live a mover shaker dancing to Madonna then you kissed me
I can't take anymore because

I feel the magic all around you
It's bringing me to my knees
Like a wannabe
I've got to be chained to you

I feel the magic building around you
I feel the magic all around you
It's bringing me to my knees
Like a wannabe
I've got to be chained to you

Tell me it's madness
I barely know you

kk.. im happi

2004-08-25T21:02:00.000+08:00

okie.. i noe my art is.. *gasp* horrible.. but sometimes i also cant help it.. im lousy at drawing.. i dunno how to color properly.. i cant play proper music.. my tae kwon do learn till like tt.. nvr even finish till black at least.. my stories are boring.. my studies are a mess.. sometimes i look at myself and tink.. wat for learn so mani tings? at the end its all useless.. yea.. yea tt's rite.. its useless.. play music.. so lousy and going to haf no teacher.. i will nvr make it big.. art.. i wanna draw.. but so ugly.. also dunno how.. studies.. sometimes i try so hard.. in the end i get like.. F9.. heh.. its reallie horrible.. my love life?? haha.. i tink its real funnie.. i mean.. its in a mess? im confused? haha.. den everydae im rushing arnd.. rushing my work.. rushing this rushing that.. im on my nerves everytime, i noe i haf no time but whn i haf i time i dun make full use of it.. im not creative.. i mus crack my head to come out with an idea.. and i can see that the people arnd mi are much better den mi.. can draw nicely, write nicely, fight nicely, study nicely, handwriting so nice, wah.. its like im the onli one behind.. haiz.. haha.. how lehz? even my best skill.. doing music and drawing i see someone with a much much much higher standard than mi.. wat can i do? haha.. im reallie hopeless.. or am i? coz im not going to gif up., yea.. u with the black hair and braces.. and ugly hairstyle.. yea.. u betta not throw urself into a pool of misery.. coz its not ur fault okie?? even mrs chew said.. u dun haf tt big a power to make other ppl change completely because of you.. wat u did was a small part.. u haf no entire fault in tt whole incident.. haha.. kk.. im happi.. why? coz every minute of anger means 60 seconds of happiness lost.. haha.. some ppl has been angry for so long, and lost so much happiness.. heh.. signed off with mani hugs and kisses, ^Jess^

nice quotes...

2004-08-25T19:22:00.000+08:00

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
You can only go as far as you push!
Actions speak louder than words.
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.
Some people make the world special by just being in it.
Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.

True friendship never ends.

Friends are forever.

Good friends are like stars....you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
Don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.

If u love something...let it go.
If it comes back to you its yours....
If it doesn't then it never was.

A kiss is just a kiss until u find the one you love. A hug is just a hug>until its from the one ur thinking of. A dream is just a dream until u make it come tru. LOVE is just a word until its proven 2 u.

Remember, every minute spent angry is every 60 seconds of happiness wasted.

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...

To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

To forget you must first forgive. Time Heals all wounds, no matter how deep the wound is.

mi?

2004-08-23T22:08:00.000+08:00

todae veri bad ting happened.. my e maths, qhich i did 52 questions, got misplaced!! evvil lohz.. haha.. coz now i haf to redo.. dunno wat time slp again.. shuld b reallie late.. sometimes i reallie blame miself.. why cant i be someone who can talk and gif reallie good advice? all i can do is listen and sit by helplessly, not knowing what to sae nor do, afraid that wat i sae would b wrong.. and i wanna b a consellor.. haha.. more like someone to be conselled.. what my life nids now.. is one real shock.. like.. i dunno.. i got selected for a daredevil stuntwomen training? i dun mind actuallie.. jus tt i will b real afraid of getting injured.. haha.. if it does not matter, i can just quit school now and go into full time piano training.. den i can teach piano.. and if good enough, mayb even perform!! okay....... stop daydreaming jess.. you're not THAT good and you noe it.. haha.. but somehow my other side tells mi that i can make it.. as long as i train lyk.. 9 hrs per dae.. swt.. heh.. i dun mind.. lyk i said.. if i could quit school i would go into that.. or mayb full time art drawing.. i would go practice till im real good, and then help ppl do protraits.. i dun mind.. heheh.. i dun mind..

am i the sinner?

2004-08-17T22:38:00.002+08:00

hey.. sorrie i nvr write in for so long.. too mani tings haf happened and i am those sort of ppl that postpones tinking abt tings and putting tings that hurt into the back of my mind.. the bottom of my heart.. and whn the tings in my heart accumalate to maximum.. i tend to tink too much and sort of break down.. then.. if i can help it.. i hug my dog and go to slp.. if not.. i jus sob and sob.. haha.. pretty unlike mi huh?
haiz.. dunno where i would b now without my close pals.. ppl who i can reallit talk to and they reallie noe how to comfort mi.. ppl lyk.. mich.. rox.. yr.. yea.. these ppl help mi whn i was down.. but they help on diff lvls.. haha.. anyway.. i wouldnt b mi without them..
anyway.. i finally can put one thing down on 'paper'.. there is this someone that i know is extremely angry with mi.. for wat? mayb coz i had a wrong decision? for how long? veri long.. why is it that mi and ppl which meant veri much to mi.. once the fate is cut off.. why is it tt the nxt step is that we become enemies?? haiz.. some ppl is jus so petty.. angry.. can! angry so darn long? now become my fault tt ownself gif up on everything..
anyway.. ppl noe mi with lame and happi and laughter.. and i gif them that.. sometimes its sincere.. sometimes not.. BUT.. nowadaes im reallie veri happi.. not tt i haf 'convinced' myself.. is that i can now look on the positive side of things.. and though its no easy feat.. i convinced myself to not beat tt dumb guy up whnever i see him..
=) happi is good for health

guitar concert!!!!

2004-06-05T23:38:00.002+08:00

hmmm.. reached there.. deco.. den eat.. changed.. den concert.. so funnie.. we start that time.. when the ppl jus came in alreadie behind the curtains.. den so funnie.. the mc sae turn off hp three times.. actuallie onli sae one time.. haha.. den on the third time all of us were like.. haiz.... dortz.. but den it made the audience laugh i guess.. so.. haha.. we played well for the first one.. den.. the rest of the items i didnt reallie see.. cant.. no space.. actuallie.. i was hanging abt.. i heard shou qin's song and quartet thru the speakers at the pa room.. haha.. daryl was there.. den.. interval went look for frends.. saw xx jq mich joel jk.. haha.. also yr mc.. ahhh.. couldnt find pm.. so saded.. but ltr still saw her.. haha.. went talk here and there.. den started again.. ahh.. our trio started nicely.. den first guitar made a tiny mistake.. no worries though.. haha.. we went back on pace nicely again.. den.. surprise!! mich they all shouted for mi!! both before and after.. wow.. wow.. wow.. im so so so happi lohz.. ahh.. touched.. den finale.. so nice when the sec 1s came in.. the concert rocks!! haha.. so happi.. nice nice nice dae!!! haha

guitar cuming!!

2004-06-01T07:59:00.000+08:00

haha.. guitar e concert cuming le.. ahhh.. we bought the costume yesterdae and mrs koh was like.. it's veri nice.. veri sweet.. we were so happi!! but den she wanted us to get a belt.. silvery belt.. so we went spotlight and guess wat? we bought a chain 3 metre long for each of us.. haha.. so funnie.. sliver and long enuff.. so we buy lohz.. actuallie wanted the one where kids dress up as princess e necklaces.. den decided against it.. we're crazy.. haha..
todae haf full dress reharsal.. actuallie there's sth i wanted to sae one.. but i forgot.. nvm.. ltr i cum home den i c if i can rmbr.. haha.. now jus a short entry.. haha..

lucky draw

2004-05-28T19:49:00.000+08:00

haha.. so funnie lohz.. i zhong the prize of a puzzle at the school lucky draw.. haha.. then the puzzle is 1000 pieces.. i thought i dropped some when i fixed it and couldn't find the corner piece and then i go count.. of course.. when u count until a thousand pieces its veri hard to not be careless.. knowing me.. i count until 997.. i totally freaked out.. haha.. den i suddenly saw the corner piece.. -,-" so.. i fixed the whole puzzle e side pieces.. den i found out.. haha.. i found 3 pieces i somehow couldn't fix in.. haha.. so.. i dunno.. wish mi luck on e whole thing.. next time i'll go and scan the pic in.. its so cute lohz. haha.. then todae form teacher give mi a coke can light thing.. okie lahz.. quite nice.. haha..
sigh.. tomorrow have chinese oral.. later mus go prepare at least a bit.. haha.. cant fail tt also.. haha.. hope it can finish by 8 then i can go to piano.. but i tink its quite impossible.. so i guess cant go again.. for a whole month le lehz.. like that.. so saded..
also rite.. my cousin go sign up for singapore idol.. *shock* haha.. so funnie.. reallie hard to imagine him on.. but he's a good singer.. dunno lehz.. maybe i can get to see him on tv.. it'll be so cool.. haha.. den if he reallie get into finals or wat.. haha.. so cool.. get to go to the xian chang to cheer for him.. wah hahaha..
nxt week fridae concert.. den morning haf physics tutorial..so the wat.. have to bring all my costumes to the ting.. den is like.. so difficult to bring? sigh.. mus also hand in geog file and ss file.. and haf to go find a shirt to wear for the guitar concert.. and still haf four tickets i havent sell but nid to.. ahh... stress.. haha..
but.. i tink i'll have a fun holidae in all.. haha..

waiting for u

2004-05-25T21:43:00.000+08:00

i know tt there's a place
where someone has taken up
and that special u is just there
just out of my reach
i dunno when or where
i can finally see ur face
but i know when the time comes
its ur arms i'll fall into
so i'll keep waiting
till my dreams become reality
where u're there when i need u
to cry on ur shoulder
to laugh in ur embrace
to shiver in ur arms
so tell me when u're here with me
for i do not know
i cant find u yet
although i know its just a matter of time
so tell mi when u're here with me
so i'll not let the chance go by
haha.. so tell mi then..
=P

results..

2004-05-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

haha.. i guess i didnt improve at all since last yr.. so bad for mid yr.. haiz.. but at least nvr fail.. haha..
English = B4 *disapointed*
Chinese = C6 *deserved it.. hee~*
A Maths = B3 *did my best.. i guess*
E Maths = B4 *disappointed..but i did try hard*
Chemistry = C5 * SURPRISE!*
Physics = C6 * nth *
E lit = B3 *sigh..*
Geog = C6 * ARGH *
SS = * B4 * sigh..*

so.. in all i tink i did.. sigh..... haha.. nvm.. i'll take hols jia bei nu li! den mayb whn sch reopens i can get betta and maybe.. maybe.. get 15 for L1 R5.. haha.. but first..

Movies to watch:
Troy - mus watch!!
Harry Potter 3 - disapointed for 1 n 2 but somehow still wanna watch 3.. haha
shrek 2 - yea!!
spiderman 2 - oh yea!!
Day after tomorrow - ah haha!!
secret window, jiang hu, 2406 - maybe
a walk to rmbr - hmm.. heh heh.. go rent vcd..

so.. with all this movies.. i mus make time for study? haha.. i onli take one movie per week.. or take all in one week.. haha.. i dunno? like tt lohz.. heh heh.. but before all this movies.. there is STILL..

GUITAR CONCERT!!
Venue: singapore power house (beside somerset mrt)
Time: 7.30pm
Ticket value: $10

haha.. mus practice plenty for e guitar concert.. onli haf like.. hmm.. a week left.. muz jia you!! ahh.. cant wait for this to be over..

ahh... a note.. m i reallie tt bad? i rather be bad to everyone n be noted for it.. den cant help myself to be bad to one person and everydae make life difficult for tt person.. im so bad.. mus control.. haha.. am i a hooligan? haha.. =P