freedom

Freedom is not when you can do all you want, but it is when you realize that you are already doing what you want.
So, having freedom is a perspective, it's a choice.. if you know what you are doing is good and you want it, then you already have freedom.. that's my view..
I have no freedom.. I had a great frend that i realli realli wanna keep, but i know that because of my own actions, i destroyed all my chances of having that friend.. so i decided to ignore it.. to just break free from this situation.. however, my heart refuses to gain this freedom..
Am i just dumb?
I have a strong backer that i can totally surrender to, but i just cant do it.. my heart breaks whenever i hear my frend say things he wuld have nvr said.. My guilt eats at my from my guts and again and again i pray, again and again i wanna repent, i dun wan my frend to be like that.. they say when you haf love, you cant have freedom..
I realized how much love matters, but not the love all of teenagers(like mi) 'feel'.. we get more than that.. the love of our families, that's the most impt, the love of God.. but also, the love of friends.. and now.. i know how much i have lost my freedom, because i have already fallen in love with my frends..
freedom is not when you can do all you want, but when you realize that you are already doing what you want..
So i guess that means, i have the freedom.. as long as you do what is right, and you know it, you can be sure of it, AND you want it, i guess that's freedom..

Why do some people have gloomy faces everyday? why cant they understand that hatred is something that is sinful? we have hatred because we do not forgive and forget.. but how do we forgive and forget? Why do we forgive and forget?
I think everyone wants happiness.. once happiness is accquired i guess life can be lived more meaningfully, without more burdens and such.. they would not be so unhappi and mindful abt so mani tings..
I personally hold a veri happi face most of the time.. i am realli happi! cause i look on the bright side of life.. but even the most carefree person have worries sometimes.. i just don't get it.. why do my 'sometimes' last so long? i always feel like crying whenever i get a remark, just a remark from him.. no.. i dun like him.. but.. he was.. he is my frend.. i just wanted to do something i thought the best for everyone.. guess i was wrong..
people get mistakes, but why cant mistakes be overlooked?
but.. personally.. why do i mind so much? haiz.. i cant expect the whole world to be happi and strong all the time.. but i do know that with someone, the whole world can always jump with joy.. Hopefully, i can finally let go of that burden and gif it to someone who can solve all problems..