I want to be happy cause i was sad.

i went to a few JCs already.. haha.. to rank them, in the order of the best to me first,
VJC
TJC
SAJC
yepz.. so that's that.. but i havent went to MJC. although i like MJC for the high tech-ness of the school and the nice facilities and the ccas, i know i shuldnt be considering MJC so much because of WHO is going there.
Yea, how can i do that? haha.. so bad rite? somethimes i wonder how come i seem to have so deep feelings that does not seem to be so deep. i dunno? haha.. but i guess i'll leave that in God's hands, cause this is something that i cant do anything to. and i don't wanna do anything.. =P don't wanna ruin the friendship we already have ma.. haha..

oki.. next.. ah.. i tink finally i am facing up to it, the fear i have, the feelings i cant put down and the pain that had accumulated to so much i cant take it anymore. Guess that i'm becoming more emotional over the fears and the tears i swallowed. But still.. i dunno what to do.. cause i realli feel like burning all the notes, the letters, the poems i still keep in my box, but i just cant let it go over me.. but i've decided.. cause frm now on, i dun wanna b the moody sad gal anymore. yep. i wanna be the happi gal that i used to be. i dun wanna mind who is talking abt mi or even who is hating mi. yepz.. haha.. i wanna laugh freely like i used to be!

Hmm.. also.. what did i wanted to sae? actualli i forgot.. ah! i rmbr le! haha..

i've decided not to b involved in those ppl's fights or quarrals anymore.. well.. i've got involved and gt blamed for siding to one person when i didnt.. somemore i gt blamed frm BOTH sides for siding with the other side! well now.. i guess i cant help anymore.. haha.. that IS a big relieve.. haha.. now at least.. i don't have to keep thinking abt how to resolve the problem.. but now, i can at least be sure that i don't have special feelings towards any of them.. haha.. that's good! ^^

Hmm.. exams coming and i'm not really studying.. but.. i'm going to start nOW! haha.. from todae on.. i'm going choing like crazy.. esp this coming week since no nid to go sch.. i'm going try my best to get into VJC if possible, and if not, TJC or MJC.. but i can be quite sure of something.. if someone fails to get into MJc.. i'm not sure if i'll go there anymore.. haha.. that is, if i can go into VJC or TJC.. yepz.. for SA.. i don't think i'll b going there anymore.. so far.. haha.. yepz.. and don't haf taekwondo.. yes..

I want to be happy , cause I was sad. =D

haha

well.. i sort of cooled down.. but now i dunno where to go.. poly or JC.. well, since my mum so insist that i go to the JC.. i'll just go then.. haha.. i'm going to be on the go for another 2 years.. haha.. well.. better make the full use of it.. going to join ccas.. know more ppl and study hard! yea! haha.. =)

today..

i've been tryin to get on blogger for v. long.. but cant.. finally now can.. haha =)
well.. i'm sick! again.. haha..
well.. o lvls coming soon.. in fact, o lvl practicals two weeks later! i realli got no confidence in it..
well.. now there are so mani things in everyone's heart.. after the last few weeks, i realized suddenly how far apart we're gonna be.. mich going anderson.. rox going ngee an.. mi? going to try for TJC and then if not possible.. mayb i'm going to tpjc.. wow.. nxt year.. with all our hectic schedules will it be possible to meet up so often? i realli hope so..
Mich said if she's realli going anderson, she'll shift to the north group.. i dunno what i realli feel about that.. she'll definately meet new friends.. and with her social skills, i'll bet she know like, the whole church in almost no time.. actualli.. i realli admire rox and her.. they can know so mani good frends! but i cant.. it's like.. i dunno.. i'm anti social? mayb tt's why i feel so lonely at times.. haha..
now days.. i duno why i'm so stressed.. i get so emotional easily.. i'm praying but i'm getting distant from God.. whn i hear the praise songs i'd cry.. whn i think of Him i'd cry.. whn i laugh so happily even, i'd wan to cry.. why? i guess it's because i'm not fit to be happi..
it's so hard to be happi sometimes.. this isnt the first time i've said this, but i know that i gotta concentrate on God, that He'll pull me through.. if there's anything at all.. i wanna keep my faith in Him..
haiz.. i wonder why in my mind i have such high aspirations.. i don't want to aim high.. i mean.. i want to take things slow but my heart keeps pushing me on.. even when i tried my best, if the results are not there i would be so angry at myself.. i would be like, i've not tried hard enough.. this is tearing me apart..
i think i'm gettin depressed.
i'm such a perfectionist.. i expect myself to excel in every area.. haiz.. that's it! i had enough! i mean.. i going to drive myself crazy!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
oki.. i can resume my calm and collected self.
i know! =)
i'll try to study so hard that i cant possibly decieve myself that i had not tried hard enough.. yes! haha.. oki..
so i shall study day and night.. until i reach my limit.. yes!
See? i'm so crazy i'll be happi if i actualli die studying too hard. that's a joke.
haha.. but i'm realli realli stressed out right now.. need to sleep.. need to watch a movie or something.. yepz.. but i'll wait.. and meanwhile.. pray. =)