my dream

i had a dream jus now.. not the first time i had these kind of dreams, but it was the vividest..
in my dream, i had a one seater car and i was driving.. i was underaged and i ran away from home.. i had money, but on myself i dint check before parking the car and going to buy some food and dreams..
i bought a lot of food and wanted to pay, and the person asked mi, "why do u buy so many dishes and so little rice?" i was like."yea.." and i ate it and the rice was reallie veri little! so i wanted to buy more.. but the lady ignored mi..
in the end i dint haf enough to buy the food either, but since it was onli like 10 cents short, the lady let mi go..
and so i went back to my car..
yea.. i guess it is my desire for independence to be someone who decides everything i wanna do, to have the power to do more.. i guess i'm selfish in that kind of way.. i wanna haf my own adventure and i dun care much for the ppl who care for mi.. instead i am irritated that they wanna stick to mi, when i know that i can move myself..
maybe someday i can finally get my own adventure in my own car in a road where mayb i dun haf enough money to buy food or drinks and i dun haf any means of communication.. but i tink onli that can happen in my dream.. yepz.. but i wun lost hope.. it will be then where i can feel the wind on my face is real and that i do not haf any cares anymore.. jus for that dae..

Chocolates!

Amy came to my house, fully dressed as a mini chef. As I looked at her in her white apron and her small face that was shining with happiness, i could not help but to feel touched by her sincerity. The air around her even seemed to protect her. They danced to a light rhythm, touching her tiny cheeks and often blowing her black limp hair out of her eyes, tucking the strands behind her ears. She smiled as she lifted the heavy plastic bag up briefly and set it back down. Even though it was just a few seconds, her action to show me the ingredients had turned her small clammy hands raw red. She was here to make me chocolates.
I remembered the first time i met her, i bought her a box of chocolates that i made myself. It was my first time visiting her and i wanted to bring a smile to her face.I spent the whole afternoon trying to make a perfect chocolate that i could give her. Her mum had told me before that she loved chocolates, but those that were sold in shops all had preservetives that she was allergic to. So i decided to use basic ingredients to cook a chocolate that Amy could eat and enjoy without breaking out in boils.
The scenes played out in my mind as i stood at the kitchen, carefully standing out of Amy's way as she opened the packages from her bag, but near enough to catch her doll-like body if she fell. She tottered around the kitchen, sometimes asking me to help her get the utensils from the top shelf. Then asked me to put her on the stool, so she could cook the chocolate in the pot. The hot chocolate made swishing sounds in the pot, the sound itself so delicious it could make a person drool. I walked closer and saw Amy using the big wooden spoon to stir, swirl swirl swirl. The ripples on the dark chocolate reminded me again of that day.
I looked at the chocolate in the silver pot and smiled. It was ready. carefully i poured the sweet goo into the moulds and the remainder i poured it into the dipping bowl. Using a toothpick i made patterns onto the chocolate that i made using the chocolate at the bottom of the pot that was darker in color. Perfect. I put the chocolates into the fridge and went into the living room to watch the television. It was time to wait. Before long i was back outside the fridge door, wringing my hands and sitting at the dining table. I paced the floor and used all my might to resist the temptation to open the door. Why was time passing so slowly!
Amy took the chocolates out carefully with a smile and wobbled over to me. Setting the chocolates down on the same dining table that i used to test my own chocolates, she looked at me and i saw that her eyes were moist with tears. Tears of happiness and also a tint of sadness. She had completed her promise to me.
"When i'm well, i'll make the best chocolates for you." The sweet tingly voice echoed inside my head as she put the chocolate piece into my mouth. The taste was heavenly. Layer by layer was stripped off, till the center where a different taste entered. It was the strawberry that she had cut up to put in the center. Amy had told me that the best chocolates she had from me were the strawberries, but they were hard to eat as it was so big.
As i ate the chocolate, i pulled her into my embrace and though i had practiced hard for this moment, that i was not to cry no matter what, i could not stop the tear drops that were formed by all the sadness in my heart at my eyes. I kept Amy in my embrace, making sure she did not see the tears that i could not keep. I cried.
The tears continued as i saw Amy lying on the hospital bed, her mum sitting beside her, grasping her cold hands. The terrible machines and needles were all out of her pure body. The pain had stopped. No more was she to be injured by these monsters. As she slumbered, her hands stopped clutching the box of chocolates that once contained the chocolates she made for the ones she loved.
"When i'm well, i'll make the best chocolates for you."

faith

i'm not realli sure wat i wanna sae todae.. haha.. let's talk abt todae's event then..
yepz.. todae i went to do urshering in a event! and it is called CARTOON OFF RECORDS! that's rite.. it's OFF.. haha.. realli off okie..
first we started with games.. games was good, but mayb the passing of parcel a bit weird de.. and also we had other games like human bingo and scavager hunt.. it was kinda fun.. but i tink can be funner! haha.. hopefully nxt time can haf more exciting games!
and then it was the drama!! actualli.. the script was veri funni.. and it was reallie veri funni.. onli haf one part the prince forgot his words.. but it was covered up veri nicely, good job! i tink after that everyone had a good time, and that the photo taking at the end was just right to round off the event.. i think those who put in effort in the whole thing deserves praise and that visitors realli got the idea that we're a bunch of fun ppl! haha..
too bad i'm not part of those that can help out with the thingie though.. *sniff sniff* haha.. i like veri slack.. always do nothing..
yepz.. i'm a slacker..
oh yea.. todae haf cme and the survey shows that i'm a prioristiser and a slacker.. yepz.. i prioristises veri well, doing it is another matter..
i always try to do my best but my work always get covered or taken away by other ppl.. mayb my life i'm supposed to be like that.. to onli be the helper, never the leader.. i know that i can lead.. haha.. actualli i dun..
they say 'dang shi zhe mi pang guan zhe qing", so maybe that's right.. others can see that i'm weak in leading, weak in taking things by the head.. so i dun get leadership roles..
but.. like wat i haf always said in my other posts.. i believe that i can change my destiny, that i can shape my character to be better.. no more long faces, no more sad hearts.. if i allow myself to sink in my depression, surely i'll go round and round and never get to my goals! i know that God would want mi to be better, to be like Him.. haha..
now i realized how it is to love ppl, it is to wanna do everything for that person and when i find out that i haf done nothing while another who also loves Him has done so much, i will actualli feel pain in my heart..
But, as long as i haf faith i haf no worries.. and i am sure that my faith is strong.. if there is one thing good abt mi, it is that my faith is firmly rooted into my heart..
mUA hahahah!! okie.. i'm realli mad..
well.. haf faith! bb!

freedom

Freedom is not when you can do all you want, but it is when you realize that you are already doing what you want.
So, having freedom is a perspective, it's a choice.. if you know what you are doing is good and you want it, then you already have freedom.. that's my view..
I have no freedom.. I had a great frend that i realli realli wanna keep, but i know that because of my own actions, i destroyed all my chances of having that friend.. so i decided to ignore it.. to just break free from this situation.. however, my heart refuses to gain this freedom..
Am i just dumb?
I have a strong backer that i can totally surrender to, but i just cant do it.. my heart breaks whenever i hear my frend say things he wuld have nvr said.. My guilt eats at my from my guts and again and again i pray, again and again i wanna repent, i dun wan my frend to be like that.. they say when you haf love, you cant have freedom..
I realized how much love matters, but not the love all of teenagers(like mi) 'feel'.. we get more than that.. the love of our families, that's the most impt, the love of God.. but also, the love of friends.. and now.. i know how much i have lost my freedom, because i have already fallen in love with my frends..
freedom is not when you can do all you want, but when you realize that you are already doing what you want..
So i guess that means, i have the freedom.. as long as you do what is right, and you know it, you can be sure of it, AND you want it, i guess that's freedom..

Why do some people have gloomy faces everyday? why cant they understand that hatred is something that is sinful? we have hatred because we do not forgive and forget.. but how do we forgive and forget? Why do we forgive and forget?
I think everyone wants happiness.. once happiness is accquired i guess life can be lived more meaningfully, without more burdens and such.. they would not be so unhappi and mindful abt so mani tings..
I personally hold a veri happi face most of the time.. i am realli happi! cause i look on the bright side of life.. but even the most carefree person have worries sometimes.. i just don't get it.. why do my 'sometimes' last so long? i always feel like crying whenever i get a remark, just a remark from him.. no.. i dun like him.. but.. he was.. he is my frend.. i just wanted to do something i thought the best for everyone.. guess i was wrong..
people get mistakes, but why cant mistakes be overlooked?
but.. personally.. why do i mind so much? haiz.. i cant expect the whole world to be happi and strong all the time.. but i do know that with someone, the whole world can always jump with joy.. Hopefully, i can finally let go of that burden and gif it to someone who can solve all problems..

Attitude Problem

Wah.. like attitude problem now very common in S'pore shools lehz.. a bit of anger then someone will like, react violencely le lohz.. wonder why..
Maybe cause in s'pore, everyone is so proud, cause we get good education and such. That's why maybe everyone think that they MUST get their rights, if not it's counted that they are being ill treated..
and that brings us back to the attitude problem.. if more people's attitude to the world is like wat they want the world's attitude to themselves, everyone would be so happi.. and aint that wat ppl wan most?
So, in otherwords.. ppl are mostly selfish, they expect most of others and least of themselves..
of course, yours truely is not an exception.. but to cure this attitude problem, i tink the best way is to understand urself, to listen to urself, to be trueful to urself, and to correct urself while listening to other's advice..
if more ppl know themselves and understand that others do not owe them the world and that they are unique, not special.. mayb more ppl can laugh happily and be able to accept critisms freely..
yepz.. that's all..
bb =)